I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it was like eating out sand paper
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
