My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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