i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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