White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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