I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Randomize