I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
