hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
