dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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