Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
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I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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