can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize