She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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