You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
