Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?