how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"