At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize