So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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