Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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