Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize