Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
