my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Found your dick twin last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
