Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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