I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
last night I used snow as a chaser
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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