you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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