eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
