Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
