nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.