Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
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I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again