tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea