I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.