so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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