I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.