All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.