I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
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my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.