We got so high we made milksteak
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.