Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus