You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.