Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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