I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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