You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
