the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize