when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize
