I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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