hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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