I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He had one of those small greek statue penises
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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