When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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