he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways