Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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