You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
