I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
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Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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