i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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