You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son