I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
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Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you need anything just hit me up
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.