Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE