i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.