I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho