i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so let's talk penis.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police