Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>