I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
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reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
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took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.