I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?