I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
