I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.