Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?