wakey wakey hands off snakey
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Holy sore nipples Batman
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".