Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dating After Heartbreak
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.