Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.