you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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