I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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