He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
