the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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