I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
