She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
